I love a good statue: the ones in art galleries are particularly impressive. Bernini could make marble contain a pulse.
Inevitably, some rich dude sees what can be achieved with metal and stone and thinks, ‘hey, I’d like to be immortalized so people will remember my name.’
He would commission an artist himself to make a statue but he thinks that would make him look a bit egotistical so the dude makes it known to his benefactors that he’d really like one. They know which side their bread is buttered so they get the thing made.
The problem then is, where to put it? It’s no freaking good in the garden of the person it’s supposed to represent because only they will see it and that defeats the whole purpose of a statue – to get in the face of the public and let them know how great you are.
So the cronies of the rich dude stick it right in the path of the commoners as they try to congregate in the market square – the commoners have to avoid bumping into it so they can’t avoid looking at it. Clever…
Now, the rich dude is happy because the public gets to remember him.
Anyway, one day someone from outside the area visits the market and doesn’t know who this person is so he asks a local. The local tells the stranger, ‘the guy is a rich dude and a right twat.’
‘What do you mean?’ the stranger asks.
‘Well,’ the local replies, ‘he gives to the rich but steals from the poor. I know this because he nicked a field off me that I and my mates used to grow food in.’
‘Wow, what a twat,’ the stranger replies. ‘I wouldn’t like to be reminded of how much of a twat he is by seeing this statue every day.’
The local thinks about this and a few weeks later he comes to the market square with a statue of his own. It’s an image of the rich dude but he’s shown laughing and stuffing his pockets with money. There’s also several large pins impaled in him similar to the ones found in voodoo dolls. The local puts it up next to the other statue of the rich dude.
Boy, did that cause a stink. The authorities sent a policeman to sort it out. He turned up and asked the local, who gave him permission to put a statue in the market place? The local asked the authorities who gave the rich dude permission to put his up?
The policeman then got confused and angry and tore down the local’s statue. He then took the local away to face punishment.
Some bystanders watched this whole scene and one of them finally said, ‘what a twat.’
Another bystander heard this and asked, ‘who?’